Love that Won't let Go

WARNING: It's been a long time since I posted last and I had to meet my word quota for the year.

“Is it possible for a believer, a follower of Christ, to turn away from the faith and be lost?"

In short, I would have to say, “no”. A Christian has been bought with the blood of Christ, which is sufficient to cover any and all sin. A Christian has been sealed by the Holy Spirit; in other words, he or she has been promised to be delivered to God (Eph. 1: 13-14). The illustration that best describes what this verse is saying is the tags they put on trucks after the shipment is loaded. The back door is locked and sealed and the driver signs saying that everything is in there and everything will be when he arrives. The seal shows that his word is true and the shipment is wholly there.

In John 10:28-29, Jesus says that He is holding onto believers, and just in case His grasp isn’t strong enough for you, don’t worry, God’s got His hand over you too. There is no way any one can be taken from God, and I’m pretty sure He’s not going to let anyone walk away.

Remember the sheep that ran away, Jesus said that the shepherd went out and found the one that left, leaving 99 to do so! Jesus gave us a lot of parables about things or people getting lost and then being found, not because one day it was stumbled over but because what was lost was being desperately pursued. For example, the Prodigal son’s father never disowned him, never cut him off from the family, but waited and watched and then in a very undignified way ran to him at first sight. So, I would say that a believer may be able to turn away from the faith and be lost, but not in the terms of lost or saved, bound for Heaven or Hell.

Repentance, though a part of salvation, is not the qualifier for it. Jesus died for our sins, ALL of them. He paid the enormous debt that out weighs all of our school loans put together, so much so that there was no way it could ever be paid for by us. There is NOTHING we can do to make it to Heaven, not enough good deeds, thoughts, or choices in the world to fill the gap between us and God (Titus 3:5; Ephesians 2:8-9). So after we receive what Christ did, simply believing the gospel, Christ being fully God and fully man, came, lived perfectly, died to cover the debt that was owed (all of it not just part) and rose again proving His God-ness, there is still nothing that we can do to hold onto this salvation by ourselves. It is a gift from God, and He must be the One who fulfills the requirements.

We, like sheep, will go astray again and again even with the wonderful love that God gives us (Isaiah 53: 6). Because like sheep, we too quickly forget what God has done. We forget that He gave manna in the desert, that He gave sight to the blind and raised the dead, and that He constantly and consistently meets the needs of His children. Instead, we limit His goodness and abilities and offer Him no chance to show us how high and deep and wide His love, grace, and mercies are. If we would remember these things and how BIG God is, maybe, just maybe we would stop wandering away.

On the other hand, being covered by the blood of Christ does not empty us of the desire to sin completely until we reach Him in Heaven, though we are no longer enslaved to our desires and to sin (Romans 6: 6). Now, though, we wage war with ourselves doing what we know we shouldn’t and wishing we could do what God wants us to do, having the “desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out” (Romans 7: 15- 20).

This however does not give us the ability to continuously dwell in sin and let grace cover it, because it will? The answer God gives is a resounding NO! (Romans 6:1-2) Should you keep eating because there is still food in the store or keep diving deeper because you have yet to reach the deepest part of the ocean? It’s kinda ridiculous and you are bound to get hurt or at least really sick. Sin, likewise, will only injure, never heal; only create hunger, never satisfy. A follower of Christ may be able to sin, but living in such a way creates barriers within his or her relationship with God, just like when a person makes bad decisions and friendships and family relationships are affected. But just like the relationships we can clearly see, this Heavenly relationship can be mended in the same way: communication and repentance.

God will not abandon His children. If you choose to follow Him, He doesn’t expect you to be perfect. Actually, He anticipates our mistakes, He gives us the choice to make them or not, and He has already forgiven and paid for them. AMAZING!

Ungrateful Me

Lately I've been in a complaining mood, and well, it's been hard not to complain about that too. And being honest this wonderful attitude developed out of too little time spent with God and too much time dwelling on what I do not have. To be content, it is essential to be thankful. There is no way around it. To be thankful, it is essential to take inventory of the blessings already in in storage, the pantry, and in daily use.

So this afternoon I spent some desperately needed time with my Jesus. It was a sweet time of reflecting on who He is and what He has done so I can come before such a Holy Holy Holy God. I picked up where I left off in my study of Who I am in Christ from what feels like eons ago. And this is what I learned. . .

Today I was in Colossians 2 focused on verse 7 but without the context, the meaning is lost. "Rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving." There's that word, but what am I to be thankful for? Let's see for starters that Christ came in human form (9), that He fills me (10) that I have been transformed and given new life in Him (11-12), that God has made me dead to my sins, canceled the debt and nailed it along with His Son to the cross(13-14). . .but yeah nothing there to be thankful for, right?

I had to stop; I was utterly convicted. I'm upset about having to pay off my school loans, but my eternal debt has been paid in full by a God who had no reason to even look my direction, and to this day I give Him no reason to stop and say, Wow, that girl really deserves something else. What an IDIOT i am.

So after this revelation, I moved on to the next section of my time with God. At the beginning of this year I was semi-faithful to the great idea I had of keeping a thankfulness journal, so I pulled it out today. I thought writing some things I am thankful for today would help put things into perspective. I sat down to write. . . and I was like, hmmm, maybe I should go over what I already wrote (I'm trying not to repeat anything).

I read it out loud, directly telling God (so I could hear it myself) what I was thankful for that He has given to me. . . I think that I will share some of them with you today. . . I promise I won't share them all and I'll try to be brief.

I am thankful for. . .
Air- without this I could not breathe and therefore survive. It is mixed with just the right amount of each element to sustain life.

My brain- Though my thoughts can often get me into trouble, this organ allows me to have a choice, to imagine, to dream, to know God more, and it controls my body so I can move and controls things (like breathing, heart etc.) that I thankfully do not need to focus on doing for myself.

Forgiveness- From God, it means life; from others it shows love. Both are necessary for a good life full of relationships. Also, I am thankful for the ability to show it.

Grace- God gives grace so freely. It sustains me and comforts me, yet it should never be taken for granted

Mercy- Grace's counterpart- I love that this is new every morning, and without God's mercy my life would be painfully meaningless.

Friend #1- She pushes me to be a better teacher, thinker, and Christ-follower. She spends time with me and keeps me busy so I don't dwell on my parents' divorce.

Friend #2- Her quiet nature often convicts me to be a better listener. She has been there for me and with me through so much of my life.

My kid at school-He shows me how You love me and gives me a wonderful illustration so I can understand our relationship more.

I think you get the point. I have much to be thankful for. . .and well, so do you, dear reader, so do you. It's amazing how quick we are to forget the good and to cling to the bad. I suppose this is one reason God refers to us a sheep.

Well I still have much to digest, but I thought I would share some food (for thought) with you today.

Relative-ish

In a world where very few things are certain, let's just add some more uncertainty shall we?

A few years ago I discovered three little letters that I immediately loved to use- i s h.
I added these wonderful letters to many words, and I loved them because well, I hate making up my mind. Scratch that, I don't hate it, but I frequently choose to be non-committal. It's easier. I hate breaking promises, so if I can get around giving a specific, direct, or committed statement, for the most part, I will. So, I soon found myself using "ish" to alleviate pressure of decision making or making a direct point. Don't get me wrong, I will tell you how it is if need be, but I might could do it in a vague way. . . (maybe this is why I adore the double modal?).

It wasn't until I heard my favorite TV personality (Shawn Spencer) add "ish" that I realized how wide spread these little letters have traveled. It hit me in that late night viewing of Psych that it hit me: in the age of no absolutes, we, this generation, has birthed a growing a suffix to illuminate our willingness to not commit. Really, who wants to step on some one's toes by saying "this is great!" No, no, we now say silly things like "this it great-ish".

Because of course, it's relative!

What I think is great, may very well not be great to you and therefore, let's not argue about it, just add "ish". There are times when it doesn't really matter, just like there are times when it isn't necessary to have a strong opinion (or a weak one for that matter), but then there are times when it does. Are people willing to drop the "ish" and stand up for what is True? This is all compounded by a book I saw at the store (after the Psych incident, I was really in tune with the use of "ish") titled "Christianish". I don't know what it was about, I never turned it over to see whether or not it was pro or con "ish" but that's not the point. The point is what I once saw as a cute, harmless little addition to my words making my commitment level vary, really is a picture of the our current post-modern state.

Maybe my ramblings are nothing more than lack of sleep and a fried brain from writing to many papers and having too little time off of school, but maybe, just maybe I had a brilliant insightful moment. . . and I will definitely be attempting to use "ish" lessish than I did before ;)

Whew. . .

So I've been working on this blog (not this current one, but another one) and well it was about how I am TOO BUSY, but I was too busy to finish it-sad but true. So here I am, weeks without a post because of my hectic crazy life. I could say that it is my own fault, that I procrastinated to get to this point, but truthfully this was all out of my control (ok, well most of it was).

The big lesson I was going to highlight in that blog post was that I've been so busy, that I am exhausted, and in all of the mad chaotic scramble to complete homework assignments, make it to work, help direct a VBS (which was only last week), and spend time with my friends (mainly for sanity's sake) I have been neglecting the most important thing in my life - - -Don't worry it wasn't showering--- It's God.

No wonder my life feels like it's spinning out of control.

This area of neglect also had serious implications during VBS. It gave Satan some footholds. . . not good when you are partially responsible for 100 pre-schoolers and their leaders, especially when it is your first time in a major leadership role.

I was fighting my thoughts all week. While I would drive I would try to meditate on Scripture. . . I never believed the importance of memorizing verses until a couple years ago when I was in a similarish situation. When God's word is hidden in your heart, it comes back to mind in those crucial moments and allow for mediation without holding a Bible (sidenote). . . I forced myself to think on God and who He is, what He does, and so forth. But I saw sides of people from my church that I did not like- attitudes that did not reflect Christ and sadly, I then had trouble making mine to reflect Him.

I was physically exhausted, mentally drained, and spiritually floundering.

At one point, on my drive from work to the church (one of the few times I had alone all day), I was re-thinking the actions and attitudes of the week and actually thought that I never wanted to serve again. Well, that lasted less than a second, for no sooner had the thought been thunk in my head did I begin another one- NO, I will serve again, Satan will not get the victory.

Yes, things did not go as I had anticipated but it was not a failure (yet). We had 100 pre-schoolers (I'll say it again!). Over 60 3-5 year olds! That's impressive, I don't care who you are, I mean, those are higher numbers than most churches expect for their whole program. God was working for sure. He brought us children to love and teach; He brought us families to minister to, and He gave us opportunities to serve Him. I'd say that is success.

However, IF I would have let the negatives build up and overwhelm me, which I'll admit at times they did, I would not have been able to see, appreciate, or rejoice in all that God was doing.

So yes, life gets busy. Yes, it gets hard. BUT it is never okay to focus on the problems without trying to solve them, and if the solution is out of your hands, well friend, look for what God is doing (that will be the positive

America, AMaryca

Oh What a Happy Independence Day!

There is nothing quiet like a good 4th of July, is there? And today was extra special.

Tomorrow my Great-Grandma turns 90! Wow! This may be extra special because she has been saying that she would die every year since I was like 8, and well, I'm far from that now. But I think the most amazing part is all the life she's seen- everything she's lived through. I love listening to her tell stories, though sometimes the facts are embellished. . . hmmm, maybe that's where I get it. . . she loves to talk about that past. I love sitting at her feet (metaphorically, of course) and learning about my family. In fact, I carry a piece of them around. I inherited my Great-Great Grandmother's wedding ring, but that's a story for another day.

So today, we celebrated her. I took it all in. I made sure to enjoy every moment, even the one's that weren't with her, but with my cousins, aunts, uncles, or grandparents- all the people that were in that house because of her.

She is a funny bird, and I say that in the most respectful way I can. She hates pictures, hates big fusses, and well, frankly, hates being the center of attention, or so she says. BUT today, she let us take pictures (mainly because I wanted them, and well as the oldest great grandchild, I have a special place in her heart), and after much protesting on her behalf, we sang Happy Birthday and I watched her face light up. She looked so beautiful.

After cake, she pulled out old photo albums. Some of the pictures were of us grand-kids (1st and 2nd generation) but some were of her and her hubs. She just wanted to reminisce, and she had plenty of people who wanted to hear.

Next on the list of things to do was spending time with my mom and brother, who is home for the weekend from NASA (he's interning and a genius). We went to a movie, then hit up the local custard place. While there we caught a spectacular fireworks show. . . bunches of them actually from all across the ridge. The sky was full of light, and it was beautiful.

When I finally got home, it was time to go back to school work. However, I just couldn't pull myself away from the show one of my neighbors was displaying. Glorious fireworks! I stood on my porch and took them in. I don't know many of my neighbors, sadly, but all the one's I do know were out and enjoying being Americans. Following each majestic explosion I could hear my neighbor exclaim her excitement. She has Autism. While watching the show and hearing her joy, I remembered my childhood. She was the only girl in my neighborhood my age. We never really played together, but we would swing- in our respective yards- and continually repeat "hello" back and forth for what seemed like hours. She is the one who got me interested in Autism. It was the subject of my first research paper in elementary school, I followed this interest throughout my schooling, and now I work with kids who have it. All of this because of one girl who will never know or fully comprehend the impact she has had on my life.

Funny how today, the day we celebrate our country's independence is the day that I celebrated my interdependence on the people around me.

God, thank you for blessing me with these wonderful people and help me never forget the lessons they, and others, have taught me.

News Flash!

Right now, I am actually not procrastinating!

It's true.

Yes, I have a test to take, two papers due next week, and three discussion board posts waiting in the wings to be sent off into my cyber classroom. BUT I AM NOT PROCRASTINATING!

The school is having trouble with or working on Blackboard, the blessed source of my Graduate studies and the place I frequent almost as much as Facebook. Because of this, I cannot turn in my homework. I cannot look up my assignments, and therefore I cannot be procrastinating!

That feels good to say.

Knowing this is out of my hands, I think I will sleep well tonight. . . and hopefully, this hold no negative implications on my grade tomorrow.

Oh the things kids say

One of the students in the classroom I work in is obsessed with marriage. This past year, she realized that the majority of the staff in our room are in fact married, and she loves to remind them, just in case they forgot. She used to ask me if I was married, and after weeks of receiving an answer in the negative, she stopped asking.

This past week, my relational status has become somewhat of a joke in our class. It all started with introductions to the summer volunteers. A staff member said that I was married and this little firecracker yelled back, "NO, SHE IS NOT!"

Truth, plain and simple.

Today, there was a new person in our room, and the very same staff member decided that this statement needed to be made again. . . So the question was posed, and the answer given. There was no way to stand up for myself, when what was being said was honest, and coming from the mouth of a child.

So I asked her myself later that day, and she said something profound. She said that I wasn't married, but then she looked at me and said that I was a wife.

I want to say "Truth, plain and simple" but really it is anything but.

In the month of June I went to three weddings and missed a few. I watched friends, new and old, exchange vows, share kisses, dances, and tears. I shared in their joy and their excitement. I saw girls become brides. But think about all their lives, they've kinda been a wife.

Whether or not we recognize it or even try to, life before anything is preparation for it. What is done or not done, learned or not learned, it all influences what we become. So, yes, technically I am not a wife, but I need to live in a way that will honor my husband, if God so chooses to let me have one. What I learn now will affect what kind of wife I will become, as will my actions. So, for all intents and purposes, she's right.

Maybe, this is all stemming from the overload of love and marriage in my life, however, I don't think its a bad way to live.

I guess we'll see.

Here I go. . .

Today, I sit at my computer, desperately looking for anything to do but what I need to accomplish. Right now, in between one day and the other, I have a lengthy to do list that involves such marvelous tasks like laundry, cleaning, packing, and the ever-daunting schoolwork. Yes, as an online grad student there is always some sort of essay or paper that needs to be written, and yet, I would much rather type the Pledge of Allegiance fifty times over instead of buckling down and finishing that paper, let alone start it.

And this, my new (maybe) friends is why I am here, well right now any way. Procrastination and near exhaustion has driven me to ignore the demands of the moment and just breathe- breathe out my words, frustrations, and make manifest my absolute greatest skill (in case you haven't caught on, it's procrastinating). After all, these words are in me, trying to escape, and seeing as they have absolutely nothing to do with my assigned topic, they need to be released somewhere.

Ahh, much better.

Until next time, I'm just tripping along.